i don't think i ever felt this much self hatred before.
i breathe emotion, its flowing through my body like its blood, i can still feel your aura through my body.
how can we bloom if our roots are gutted, burnt to a crisp and we can't blame anyone but ourselves?
is a flower without any petals still beautiful?
how do i know if im myself? how do i know if this body is truly mine?
it never felt like it was mine in the first place.
the pills help but the dopamine lasts as long as a blip in time.

the imagery of your face hurts. i can't stand looking at it. one day i'll rip that part of my brain that remembers you with silver.
it'll hurt, but that pain is temporary unlike yours.
both are still self inflicted. i never learn, do i?

i'm no flower. i'm a monster.