i don't think i ever recovered.
i saw her body and immediately tried to cover mylas eyes, but she ran to the bathroom throwing up.
she planted a flower bed the day before. i thought it was to celebrate my birthday or something. i still remember the plant name.
the Oxalis Tetraphylla.
she imported them a couple days prior, too.
her body was on top of them.
her neck was sliced over and over again, at one point it looked like it was just an animal that ended up getting to her before we could.
i ran up to her and tried to convince myself she was still alive; that she was still okay.
was it me? was it an argument we had? was it even her?
i could barely handle myself afterwards.
i layed down next to her and started to bawl.
i went inside to check on myla after. i tried to comfort them but, i couldn't even get a slight grip on reality. everything around me was just shaking.
i tried to forget, i really did. i took so much medication and still, it wouldn't stop.
the dreams i had the next couple of days were disturbing, i saw her body mangled in several different ways, and there would always be this... this THING near her.
it looked like me, but it wasn't me.
it was this weird... void... thing.
i kept looking as it would keep warping her body over and over. i didn't want this.
i couldn't look at myself in a mirror for so long. i'd always see it.
i broke most of the mirrors in our house, until i finally managed to get a small few gigs here and there.
i wasn't doing this for myself, but for myla.
i wanted her to have at least a good life.
after a bit, i got a mechanic gig in meridian. we moved there, settled in, and myla found a bit of an interest in exploring the woods behind our house.
i was happy she was happy. i tried my best to be somewhat of a mother figure to her. i guess it worked too well, she had some resentment towards me.
i don't think i have to explain what happened afterwards.
2019 rolled around, shit went down, you know the story.
and now, here i am. i'm working against my will basically. i don't really see another way out.
im not that much of a coward, however.
i'm not gonna do what my mom did.
i'm going to celebrate the birth of our lineage with the death of a branch.
if anyone is reading this, and i really hope someone is.
i hope i see you in hell.