almost 3 years.
3 fucking years of hell for me, mentally and physically.
i learned recently that there's a word for not being able to express your feelings correctly.
alexithymia. fucking kill me. almost as if this is a sick joke.
it's still a bit hard to sleep at night. the guilt hits like a train and its hard to let go. i want to let go, i HAVE to, but i can't.
if these thoughts stay in my mind, they'll be the death of me.
started to smoke as often as i used to back when i was 17-18. it sucks, but it numbs it, y'know?
my head hurts, no meds for that, just a joint and a lighter and the dream of wanting to escape a vice.
it won't work, will it?
don't lie.
my arrogance, my sins, my mind, myself, all of those things culminate into something that can only be defined as my downfall.
why can't i just let go?
why can't i just let go?
why can't i just let go?
why can't i just let go?
why can't i just let go?
why can't i just let go?
why can't i just let go?